Relationship And Break Up Advice: Dating In London

Showing posts with label Dating In London. Show all posts

Thursday, December 8, 2011

How to Get Back Your Long Distance Ex Girlfriend - Don't Let a Few Miles Stop You

You were having a long distance relationship and although there were some hard times, overall, you were just happy that you had found someone that you can be with even if it was a long distance relationship. Then, you started to get the impression that maybe she was not as happy with the situation that the two of you were in. Still, you had some hope that you would be able to work through it, especially since you were already trying to make things work long distance. Now, you are left to wonder, is there any way that you can win back your long distance ex girlfriend?

You Can't Let a Few Miles Stop You...

I am not going to lie. The distance thing does make it a little bit harder. Some people have a pretty hard stance on whether or not they will do a long distance romance. One thing that you have going for you, is that you know a part of her is open to that idea, because she was doing it. So, even though it may be a little bit harder than other situations, it certainly is not impossible.

One thing that you cannot do is to allow a few miles to get in the way of what you want. If you really feel a strong attraction for this woman, then you need to put a little elbow grease into it and find a way to win her back. You do have this working out for you. Since she is kind of far away from you, you really don't have to worry about running into her and saying something that you will later regret.

The Phone Is Not Your Friend - But It Can Be...

Your main line of communication with a long distance romance is the phone. Well, that and the computer, but they are very similar. Your phone is not your friend if you find yourself picking it up every 5 minutes and thinking about dialing her up just to hear her voice. It can be your friend if you strategically use it as a way to lead her into thinking about you.

A well timed, short text message here and there can work wonders to keep you on her mind, make her smile, and think about what it would be like to be back in a relationship with you. When you send her a text message, make it mean something. Give her a little taste of attention and then go about your business. Chances are, you will be able to catch her in a moment when she is thinking about you. And that well timed text message may be enough to make her smile as she thinks about calling you up.

From there, you can easily incorporate a few more methods to make her feel attracted to you. When you have stacked up enough attraction factors... then you can be sure that she will be open to the idea of working things out with you.

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

When Will the Emotional Roller Coaster Over Your Breakup End?

If you're like most people, you've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride since your breakup. It doesn't matter so much if you were the one who was dumped or the one who did the dumping. You're going to experience a wide range of highs and lows in the days and weeks following your breakup.

Unfortunately, there isn't a magic number of days after which your emotional state will suddenly find its inner sense of calm and life can return to pre-relationship status. There are too many variables and mitigating factors from one person to the next for that to happen. However, there are things you can do that will help you regain some sense of equilibrium and work on a smoother state of mind after your breakup takes place.

Meditation

It's not just for fitness buffs and people on the path to greater enlightenment or in search of higher beings. Meditation is a great way to soothe rattled nerves and enhance feelings of calm. Meditation can even help lower blood pressure.

More importantly, it's an opportunity to really collect your thoughts and focus your energies towards more positive results in your life and in your relationships (now and in the future).

The great thing about meditation is that you can change your state of mind without turning to destructive things like alcohol and illegal drugs or prescribed medications that often have undesirable side effects. It also costs considerably less than spending hours on end dissecting your life in search of clarity with a counselor.

Write

Writing is another, often overlooked but, effective method of finding inner peace and calm after an emotionally devastating breakup. You have a lot of thoughts and feelings floating around in your mind. There's nothing quite like putting them down on paper to get them out of your head.

If you've watched the Harry Potter movies you'll recall that Professor Dumbledore had a "pensive" where he would take threads or thoughts out of his mind and put them into the pensive.

Putting emotionally charged thoughts onto paper works a little like the pensive, but not quite. The difference is that you're able to remove them from the forefront of your mind when writing them down. The thoughts are still there, they just aren't as emotionally charged. It's a great way to avoid the rise and fall of emotions that come after a breakup. When you write them down you take away some of the power of these thoughts – that's why so many therapists recommend journaling to help people through the, sometimes, painful process of therapy and to facilitate faster healing.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

5 Signs Its Time to End Your Relationship

In our heart of hearts, we always know when a relationship is ending. Sadly, people avoid and ignore the signs - staying in relationships long past their expiry date. Why? Breaking up is painful and people would rather delay dealing with it and avoid feeling the pain for as long as possible.

If you are unhappy and in a relationship you sense isn't serving you any longer, then read on. Also, please know this is a very brief synopsis of each sign. I could easily have written pages about each one but only have limited space here. If, after reading this article, you feel you need more in depth guidance and support, be sure to take me up on my offer at the end, ok?

1) Fighting
Has your relationship become a battleground? If so, then the only thing you have left in common is conflict. When you're at this point, the relationship is no longer nourishing you, instead it's depleting you. Fighting can be healthy within a flourishing relationship, but continual repetitive purposeless arguments with nothing being resolved indicates the relationship is over.

2) Small Common Ground
When all the things that connected you in the beginning are now replaced with a multitude of differences. You may find all the activities, habits and even where you want to vacation no longer align.
The most common place this shows up is in time. One partner feels daily intimate connection is vital, while the other prefers just weekends.

3) Boredom
Another way to tell it's over is when your waking up depressed, vaguely disconnected and blue. You're not sure what's the matter with you, nothing terrible has happened, you just have an overall feeling of hopelessness and very little joy in your life. This often means the essential vitality in your relationship is gone and you're not "in love" any more.

I want to point out there is a big difference between comfortable familiarity and boredom. The best metaphor is the difference between a comfortable pair of shoes and old shoes that have worn out and hurt your feet. Check in and see which shoe fits YOU.

4) Emotional Distance
This is when you become aware that the person you've been relating with is no longer there when you reach out to make contact. Any attempt to have a conversation consistently illicits a negative response. This is what people mean when they refer to "a lack of communication". When communication has broken down (verbal, sexual, emotional, affection) this is experienced as emotional distance.

5) Moving Away
Many relationships that have gone past their expiry date really collapse when there's a change in geography. Habits and routines are often the glue that binds and supports a relationship. For this reason, a relationship that is ending will be severely impacted with a change in location. The relationship was being held together by the house, the neighbourhood or town.

Couples will buy and build their dream house and, once moved in, the relationship falls apart. It may look like moving was the problem, but actually the breakdown was already occurring long before.

If one or more of these points is resonating, then we should probably talk. I've successfully helped many women smoothly transition either back to the honeymoon stage as well as expertly guide others to release a relationship in the most loving, least painful and conscious way.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Learn How To Push Your Ex Boyfriend's Hot Buttons - Have Him Chasing You Again

Everyone has emotional hot buttons. But you will get different reactions depending on which ones you push. When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back it is vital to push the right ones. If the man you want back is still ignoring you and pulling farther away, you are pushing the wrong buttons. You need to learn which ones to push if you want your ex boyfriend to chase you again.

Men, and especially young men take great satisfaction in thinking women can't resist them. When you run after youe ex boyfriend and tell him you cannot live without him, you are building his ego. You are making him feel he is so great that you can't resist him. He also knows if he comes back, you will not treat him like a love God, so why should he come back?

Your ex boyfriend might even get the idea of seeing if other women will be able to resist him and he will start dating others. The danger when he starts dating others is, he might find someone he can't resist and you will be left out in the cold. The way to prevent him straying forever is to make him feel that he can't live without you. That is only a matter of using male psychology to push the right emotional hot buttons.

Since the actions you have been taking to get your ex boyfriend back haven't worked it should make sense to try opposite actions. instead of trying to stay close to him, put as much distance between the two of you as possible. Instead of telling him you want him back and can't live without him, you have to make him think you no longer care for him. This will begin to push his hot buttons in the right way.

By showing your ex boyfriend you can live with out him, you will appear to be the strong independent girl you were when he met you. This will immediately spark his attention. By putting distance between you, it will allow him to experience his life without you. By not sitting around home and being seen with your friends out having fun, your ex will see he might be losing you for good.

Your new actions will be pushing your ex boyfriend's hot buttons in the right way. Male psychology will tell you that men always want what they can't have and men fall in love from a distance. The longer he is without you, the more desirable to him you will become. Your ex boyfriend will wake up at night thinking he has heard your voice or your laugh and feel how much he misses you.

Then he will begin to imagine things. He will think of you being in the arms of another man and it will make him desperate to have you back. When your ex boyfriend becomes desperate to have you back, he will start chasing you again. All of this can happen when you learn how to push his emotional hot buttons the right way.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Falling in and out of love

Falling in and out of love.

Most couples may find themselves at some time in their relationship struggling with anger, shock, despair and sadness. Some are newlyweds who can't understand how they have dived from the heights of love into a morass of conflict. Others have been together for many years and lament that they have nothing in common any more, they end up leading a disappointed co-existence enduring being together for the sake of the children.

So why does this happen?

Some theorists believe that we all begin life in a state of relaxed joyful bliss. If our caretakers are attuned to our needs the feelings of aliveness and well being are sustained - we remain whole. But even in the best of circumstances our parents are not perfect and every unmet need causes fear and pain and as very small children we have no idea how to stop it and restore a feeling of safety. As a response we adapt primitive coping mechanisms ranging from constant crying to get attention to withdrawing emotionally and denying that we even have needs. Meanwhile throughout our childhood we are also being socialized, moulded by our caretakers and communities to fit into society. We learn what to do to gain love and acceptance. We repress and disown parts of ourselves that society finds unacceptable or unlovable.

When we fall in love we believe that we have found that sense of joyful aliveness again. Suddenly we have someone who really makes us feel whole, we feel sexier, cleverer, funnier more giving etc. and we feel safe.

When we marry or move in together things often start to change. We discover that our partner has qualities that we don't like and that they are different from what we thought they were. Disillusionment can gradually turn to anger. The power struggle has begun. What is going on? You have found someone who is unqualified (at the moment) to give you the love you want and to meet your needs as you had wished.

We all think we have freedom of choice when we are choosing a partner but our unconscious has its own agenda. Our sub-conscious has a compelling drive to repair the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs. The way it does that is to find a partner who can give us what our caretakers failed to provide. It looks for someone who carries all the positive AND negative traits of our caretakers. Although we consciously look for only the positive traits our sub conscious selects the negative as well seeking to heal those traits.

The image of 'the person who can make me whole again' is sometimes referred to as the Imago.

Another powerful part of our Imago is that we seek the qualities in ourselves that we lost in socialisation. If we are shy we may seek someone outgoing, if we are disorganised we look for someone organised etc Eventually our own feelings - our repressed exhuberance or anger are stirred. We are uncomfortable and criticise our partners for being too outgoing or too coldly rational.

What we need to understand and accept is that conflict is supposed to happen. This is as nature intended it. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive to get its needs met and become whole.

Divorce does not solve the problems of relating to others.. We may get rid of our partners but we keep our problems taking them into the next relationship. Romantic love is supposed to end. The power struggle also is supposed to end. Regardless of what we believe, relationships are not born of love but of need.

How does couple counselling work?

The goal of couple counselling is to change the power struggle and set you on a path of real love. Many couples' problems are rooted in misunderstood, manipulated or avoided communications. Using the Imago dialogue you can learn to restructure the way you talk to each other.

We learn that whenever two people are involved each has their own reality. The reality of the other person needs to be understood and accepted but not made identical to our own.

The dialogue is turned into action and we can learn to give our partners what they need and not just what is easy to give. In a conscious relationship we agree to change to give our partner what they need and as we do that we heal our own painful experiences. In giving our partners what is hardest to give we have to bring our hidden selves into the light, owning and enlightening parts of ourselves. We stretch to conquer our fears and do what comes unnaturally.

Over the course of time as our partners demonstrate their love for us, and as they learn about and accept our hidden selves, our pain and self absorption diminishes. We restore our empathic feelings for our partners and see them for themselves and not merely as extensions of ourselves.

A conscious relationship is a spiritual path which leads us back to the feeling of joy and aliveness. We learn to express love as a daily behaviour and in large and small ways we stretch to give our partner what they need and we learn to love. This is not an easy and quick process but a positive journey.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What If Your Girlfriend Wants to Take a Break?

Did your girlfriend hint at the idea of taking a break for a little while? Has she gone even further and instead of hinted at it, demanded that the two of you take a break from each other? Are you wondering what that might possibly mean? If so, then you definitely want to keep reading all the way to the bottom. There is usually a good reason for why a woman might want to take a break from the guy she is dating, and sometimes it is not as bad as it might seem for the moment.

Women have given out the line about needing to take a break for ages. There is a good chance that your father heard it before and so did his father. It's nothing really new. However, when it happens to you it can easily seem brand new and not in a good way. More like in a way that you wish you did not have to experience at all.

Here are a few reasons why your girlfriend might want to take a break:

1) She is wrapped up in thinking about her future career wise and wants to focus on that for a while.

This may be the reason why she says that she needs to take a break. For some people, their career and getting ahead is the first priority that they have and if a relationship seems to be interfering with their advancing of their career, then the relationship needs to take a back seat in their mind. Never fear, this is a situation that does not need to spell the end of your hopes and dreams. It may be just a temporary phase, one that you can work through.

2) She is feeling too much passion in the relationship and does not know how to handle it.

If a woman feels as though there is too much passion or that things are moving too fast and she needs to be able to step back and get a breath of fresh air, so to speak, then this may be why she says that she needs to take a break. Again, this is a situation that does not mean that it has to be over for good.

3) She has lost her attraction to you and wants to date other men.

This is the situation that you really don't want to have to deal with. Many times the reason why a woman says that she wants tot take a break is because she just does not feel like she did when she first met you and she wants to see what she feels like with other men. This is a situation that you need to worry about, because it really can mean the end of you and her for good.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

How Can You Move On When She's Still In Your Life?

Moving on after an unwanted breakup is hard to do in the best of circumstances. You know, when you part ways and can go for a long period of time without being faced with her each and every day. It's even harder when you must face each other day in and day out once the breakup has happened.

She may have had time to come to terms with the fact the relationship has ended. It was her decision to end things after all. But you're still trying to get your bearings. Every time you bump into her it feels like you've just been sucker punched. You want to move on and put the past behind you, but how do you do that when she's not exactly in your past?

Working together or living a lifestyle that keeps you together after a breakup can be extremely difficult for the one who didn't want things to end. There are a lot of unresolved issues, more than a little bit of hurt, and even some amount of anger to deal with. It makes the situation even worse when you can't really express how you feel and still have to deal with the constant reminder of what is lost to you.

How do you cope in a situation like this?

Consider a Change

If there is ever a time to consider big changes in your life, this is one of those times. If you're working with your ex, then it's time to consider changing jobs or, perhaps, even careers.

It's always wise to do a little bit of a self-evaluation after a breakup. You know, take time to see where you are right now compared to where you thought you'd be by now and how that ranks with where you want to be right now. No, I'm not talking about where you'd like to be as her boyfriend but were you'd like to be as an individual man.

Are you doing the job you always wanted or did you settle for something different? Do you have the degree of financial security for the future you'd always dreamed off? Did you sell out of the excitement you wanted in your career for the security of a steady paycheck? Are you willing to make changes?

I know the job market seems tough right now but maybe it's time to consider going back to school and taking small steps toward a different future.

Keep in mind that not all changes have to be centered around your office situation. Other changes you might consider would be a new place to live – even anew cityif that can be arranged. If you're going to make a clean break and start over and you need distance from your ex, there's no better way to get it than by leaving town.