Relationship And Break Up Advice: 11/27/11

Saturday, December 3, 2011

What is the Best Way to Move on after a Breakup?

Moving on after a breakup is one of the hardest things many people will ever have to do. It's hard to consciously leave a large part of your life behind you and move on towards other things that are unknown and, perhaps, a little bit frightening. It's even harder to do this knowing that you're going to have to do this without the one person who has been your comfort and security for so long by your side.

There's no way to get around the fact that breakups are painful. You can't say a lot about the relationship if there isn't pain involved in its demise. But, they don't have to be consuming. Some people forget that while the breakup is the end of something wonderful in their lives, it is also a new beginning for something that has the potential to be equally wonderful. Here are a few things you can do to ease the transition.

Make a List

Oh yes, lists are fun – but only if you intend to follow through with them. This list is one you'll want to finish. It isn't a bucket list. It's not things you want to do before you die. It's things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because your ex wouldn't let you or didn't approve. It could be something like deep sea fishing, sky diving, or buying a motorcycle.

You want your list to be of the "Top 10 Things I Couldn't Do then but Want to do Now" or something along the lines, variety. The goal is to have 10 things on your list. They don't have to all be big expensive things. In fact, it's better if they aren't. You want them to be reasonably affordable but don't eliminate something that's really important just because it's a little on the pricey side. Part of the fun is coming up with a plan to save the money (second job, extra hours of work, etc.) to accomplish your goal.

You need at least 10 things that you really want to do but haven't ever been able to. Then you need to sit down and plan out a method to accomplish each and everything on your list.

Having goals and making plans is a critical step towards healing and moving on after a breakup. More importantly, it gives you something to look forward to and ten really big reasons to keep getting up in the morning and going about your day. As you get closer to reaching each and every one of your goals, your excitement is going to build and you'll find that you're getting back into enjoying the land of the living all over again.

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Friday, December 2, 2011

What If My Ex Girlfriend Says She Needs Time to Think - What This Really Means

"I just need some time to think." This has got to be one of the most common statements made by a woman who has just broken up with her boyfriend when he asks about getting back together. A statement like this is open to a wide variety of interpretations and can easily give a guy a false sense of hope in some cases, and it can also just straight up confuse him in other instances. What does it REALLY mean when your ex girlfriend says that she needs some time to think?

Well, like I said, it can mean more than one thing. What you have to also take into account is the context in which she says a statement like that.

Here are a few possible explanations for what she REALLY means:

a) She needs time to see if she can hook another man and if not, then she might come back to you.

This is a reality. Some women, actually a lot, like to have a back up option in play. And what better back up than an ex boyfriend that she already knows is in love with her? When a woman says that she needs time to think, but she also seems to be open to dating other guys at the moment, it could very well mean that she is hoping to keep your around as a back up... just in case she does not land a new guy.

b) She is completely confused by all of the emotions that she is feeling and she really cannot give you an answer.

This is also very common. Sometimes, the overwhelming emotions that come over a woman after a break up are too much to handle and to process all at one time. And that may be all that she really means when she says that she needs time to think. This can be a very good thing for you if that is the case.

c) She is afraid to tell you that it is really over and that there is no way that you can win her back.

Another harsh reality that you need to be able to deal with. Sometimes, the woman just does not want to have to deal with any conflict or any unpleasant feelings. She might feel truly sorry for the fact that you still love her but she does not feel the same way. And using the phrase, I just need time to think, may be her way of trying to soften the blow to you.

Context is everything when trying to evaluate what someone, especially your ex girlfriend means. Yes, it may confuse you a little bit, but that's the way that it goes sometimes. When you really look at things, you should be able to get at least some perspective on what she really means when she says that she needs time to think.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

When Will the Emotional Roller Coaster Over Your Breakup End?

If you're like most people, you've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride since your breakup. It doesn't matter so much if you were the one who was dumped or the one who did the dumping. You're going to experience a wide range of highs and lows in the days and weeks following your breakup.

Unfortunately, there isn't a magic number of days after which your emotional state will suddenly find its inner sense of calm and life can return to pre-relationship status. There are too many variables and mitigating factors from one person to the next for that to happen. However, there are things you can do that will help you regain some sense of equilibrium and work on a smoother state of mind after your breakup takes place.

Meditation

It's not just for fitness buffs and people on the path to greater enlightenment or in search of higher beings. Meditation is a great way to soothe rattled nerves and enhance feelings of calm. Meditation can even help lower blood pressure.

More importantly, it's an opportunity to really collect your thoughts and focus your energies towards more positive results in your life and in your relationships (now and in the future).

The great thing about meditation is that you can change your state of mind without turning to destructive things like alcohol and illegal drugs or prescribed medications that often have undesirable side effects. It also costs considerably less than spending hours on end dissecting your life in search of clarity with a counselor.

Write

Writing is another, often overlooked but, effective method of finding inner peace and calm after an emotionally devastating breakup. You have a lot of thoughts and feelings floating around in your mind. There's nothing quite like putting them down on paper to get them out of your head.

If you've watched the Harry Potter movies you'll recall that Professor Dumbledore had a "pensive" where he would take threads or thoughts out of his mind and put them into the pensive.

Putting emotionally charged thoughts onto paper works a little like the pensive, but not quite. The difference is that you're able to remove them from the forefront of your mind when writing them down. The thoughts are still there, they just aren't as emotionally charged. It's a great way to avoid the rise and fall of emotions that come after a breakup. When you write them down you take away some of the power of these thoughts – that's why so many therapists recommend journaling to help people through the, sometimes, painful process of therapy and to facilitate faster healing.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Signs Of a Relationship Break Up - Dont Be Caught By Surprise

What are the clues of a potential relationship break up? Can it be you are concerned your relationship is about to come to an end? To prevent being blindsided by this, you must learn what types of break up signs you would
be looking for.

All break ups cause pain but being blindsided by it, not recognizing it was coming, can be significantly worse. If you can nevertheless see it coming, your break up can be much less distressing because you have prepared yourself mentally. Yes there are signs that show all is not well and if you
keep your eyes and ears open you may catch them.

Something to keep in mind is that we as humans can lie to ourselves. We do not want to see or hear the bad and turn a blind eye towards it to avoid the pain. We are inevitably hurting ourselves in the long run doing this and ignoring the facts.

If you can see things clearly you can catch these clues and have a chance to change the path your relationship may be headed. Below are some signs to be on the lookout for to help prevent a relationship break up.

Is your partner spending less time with you? If it looks like they have more important things to do than be with you, this could be a sign. Of course make sure that there could be a legitament reason for this like having to extra hours or they are just going through some personnel issues.

If you are unable to find a reasonable excuse for their behavior then you may want to sit down with them to discuss what may be going on. Do not accuse them of anything; just ask what the problem may be.

If they are just having some personnel problems or something similar you may make matters worse if you accuse them before finding out the reasons. Be calm and rational without being defensive. Let them explain it in their own way without pressuring them.

Maybe you have noticed your partner needs more privacy. Do they leave the room when they get a call on their cell phone? Maybe they use their lap top in another room when they used to use it sitting next to you. They could be hiding a phone call from you or emailing someone they do not want you to know about. You can ask them why they are now doing this.

If they tell you nothing is going on, this will still indicate that their behavior has changed because they cannot or will not give you a legitimate reason. Still, you must give them the benefit of the doubt till you have proof something is amiss or you risk looking stupid for accusing them of something.

How is your sexual relationship with your partner? A sign they could have found someone else is a lack of interest in sex with you now. They may be more focused on this other person. Of course they could just be over worked or depressed and sex is not a priority now as it may have once been.

These are but a few signs you could encounter. Many signs are easy to spot and others are not so. Of course if you spot anything and want to save your relationship you had better get to work at it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

What To Do When Your Ex Wants You Back

It's okay to be excited when your ex starts giving you signals that they want to get back together with you, but you don't want to jump into their arms at the first (or even fourth) sign you see.

Maybe your ex has started flirting with you again, or maybe they are just showing more interest in you then they did since the breakup - these are both pretty good signs that your ex wants you back. But even if you are looking forward to getting back with your ex, you should not hurry the process. Instead you should use the old cliché of playing hard to get and avoid laying all your cards on the table too early. If you put too much effort into reconnecting with your ex then you may find that your ex starts to pull back from you because of your pushing. This is the common push/pull scenario and it happens very easily in 'get ex back' situations.

Right now your ex wants you back, but if you start to put too much pressure on them to take you back then it won't feel like it's on their own terms anymore. In fact, it will feel as though you are pressuring the issue - even if it was their idea first. The fact is that if they viewed you as being hard for them to get, then that may be the reason that reignited their interest in your in the first place.

Another reason your ex may want you back is because after a breakup it is common to miss each other and want to have what you once had together. The longer you have been together in the relationship the more true this seems to be. You shared many happy moments together as well as some unhappy moments - but the point is that you shared a part of your life together. You were bonded in some way, and your emotions can make you want to get that bond back once you really start to feel as though it has gone missing. This reason hardly solves the issues that caused your breakup though. It's just a reason to want to get back together!

Another common reason that your ex may want you back is because they see your interest in them. It becomes a game for them. They may want attention from you (or anyone) and they see that you are willing to offer them that attention. Signs that they are just playing with you and holding you in their hand until a better card comes along are:

Wanting to talk only about themselves.Not showing interest in you.Not nice to you.Not committing to anything with you.

If they are genuinely interested in you then they will be showing interest in you and wanting to be with you - without other commitments coming in first all the time.

These are a few of the reasons why you should take your time getting back together with your ex. If they are really in it for the long haul then they will stick around whether it takes time or not. They will WANT to wait for you because they WANT to be with you again.

If you notice that your ex wants you back then don't jump back into an old relationship, get hurt, breakup, and be in the same place you are now but feeling more rejected by your ex. Be smart and take some time to figure out whether it will work or not.

Monday, November 28, 2011

How To Get Back With Your Ex - 5 Simple Ideas To Use Now

If the best thing you can do right now is to learn how to get back with your ex, then read and use these 5 simple tips. Maybe you were in a relationship that you thought would last forever. Whether it was a simple dating relationship that suddenly ended or a marriage that had problems and was heading for divorce, don't give up on it, believe that there is always another chance to get back with your ex. Now that you've realized that you're not ready to give in and let your love slip away, then you need to know how to get back with your ex.

The main thing to remember is that if there was love between you, then there is always the possibility that it is still there. We cannot rewrite what has happened or undo our mistakes, but we can always give our love another chance to grow between us.

You both need the chance to take a step back away from the relationship, and the problems within, and give yourselves the time to think things through without everyday pressures. After this crucial step only then will it be a good thing to get together for a discussion. Don't be tempted to rush this crucial no contact step.
The problems that got in the way of your love will eventually need to be addressed. You cannot move on with your relationship without sorting out the problems. That would just put your relationship back to where it was when you broke up. You will need to talk out the issues, and make plans to resolve them. If these problems can't be sorted out then your reconciliation won't last. Maybe it was one major problem or something that happened which caused your breakup, or a behavior that was intolerable to the other partner. Whatever the cause, you both need to agree to either accept or change the behavior or fix the issue.

A problem caused by one partner's cheating may be a difficult problem to get over. Any break of trust and consequent re-building of that trust can be a major issue to resolve. Such a destruction of trust can cause such heartache, that it will take time and especially belief that there can ever be reason to trust in the future. If there is still love between you, it may be beneficial to get the assistance of a person who is qualified to help deal with such issues.

Another important piece of advice, if you want to know how to get your ex back is not to behave in a needy way. No doubt you are desperate to get back with them, but you cannot do this by giving them power over you. You need to be your own person, and act confident and assured even when you don't feel it. They will find this confident you both attractive and impressive. Rather than driving them further away, a confident approach will pull them towards you.

The last major thing to think about is whether you are doing the right thing in getting them back. Are you prepared to change your ways, or do you believe that they can change their ways in the future? Make sure that you are convinced that this is right for both of you. It won't be easy. It will take work on both your parts to re-build a failed relationship. Make sure that the relationship is worth the effort. Will you be better off with them than on your own or with someone else. Only you can decide if love can conquer all and to truly understand how to get back with your ex.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Read How To Get Your Boyfriend Back

Lots of people fall short to get back their love one simply because they do this anxiously in their own way. If you really want to win back your ex boyfriend, dont discard any chances to get him backward. It is important to do it in a systematic way with confidence and trust to yourself that you will succeed. Do not follow you own way if you are not sure that it would be effective, it might probably set yourself up to hell situation where getting ex back is impossible.

It is a common feeling between you and your ex - both of you feel desperate. Being broken hearted really is painful and hurtful, sometimes it cause you physical pain when it is past an acceptable limit. But you must keep yourself calm and cool so you can come up with some systematic ways of how to get your ex boyfriend back to you. Find out how to get your ex boyfriend backward without making mistakes, and learn to apply it to your situation. Although you are anxious to get back your ex and trying to deal with the break up, take time to consider if it is worthy to fight for the relationship. Does it worth? It is practical and useful if you assessed your relationship way backward before the breakup.

List down all the negatives and the positives of the relationship ; evaluate what part of the relationship worked better and what things would you like to adjust? Even if you may have been forsaken, keep in mind that there are only a few relationships that are ideal and this is your chance to evaluate how good the partnership truthfully was. This strategy of evaluating relationship helps dead set assess your real feelings towards your partner ; most of the time the results may shock you to find out that you are also set to let him go and move on. Or it could be the other way, it may confirm that you want to win your ex boyfriend backward because you still love him and that there is a hope for the both of you to be happy together.

However, if you really just want to learn how to get your ex backward and finish the depression, desperation and emotional distress of a breakup and get your ex backward then, you need to stop, you need to think, and you need to set yourself some ground rules to go by. If you cant do this, you will fall victim to your own feeling which would only make your life more miserable! Always keep in your mind not to let anyone tell you its overthere is no other right person who can decide that the relationship is over - only yourself can make a decision for it., and if you know as well as that it's not over yet, then you are on the first step to getting your ex backward : do n't give up! Eventually, you must think that the simplest approach to continue your emotions in test is to set yourself consistent ground rules, and use your head to stay your heart away from messing things up.

Dont let the heart deceive you! Let the head rule over your heart so it serves the purpose!

How To Get Your Boyfriend Back