Relationship And Break Up Advice: Love

Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Simple Gestures that Will Sweep her off her Feet

The movies always show the grand statements designed to sweep girls off their feet. This leaves guys thinking that all women are after the big things. The truth of the matter though, is that it's the little things; the small, simple gestures, that worm their way into her heart and get a firm hold. If you've found the girl you know is right for you and you're ready to let her know that you're the guy for her, here are a few small things you can do that will make a big impression.

Cook for Her

Ancient wisdom says that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but modern wise guys (not in the mafia sense) know that showing her you not only know how but are willing to cook for her is guaranteed to score you a few positive points. You'll score a few extra points if there is chocolate on the menu and you clean up after yourself.

Women love to know they're getting a burly macho he-man but they also like to see that he's not intimidated in the kitchen. She wants to know that he can help when life gets hectic and that he's "man enough" to step up to the plate and do it.

More importantly, not all women can cook. She might be looking for a guy who can cook at least as well as, if not better than, she can for the sake of survival down the road.

Send her Love Letters

You need to actually break out the pen and paper and write for this one. I know, it seems so archaic in the world of text messages, email, and Twitter. However, she can hang on to physical copies of the letters when you're not around, tie them up in pretty ribbons, and keep them around to remember your "courtship" years from now when she's starting to forget just how romantic you once were.

The key in these letters is romance. The fact that you're writing them down generally means you're going to put a little more thought into them than you would if you were quickly tapping out a text message or email. It also means you NEED to be more careful and say only what's on your heart. Always read through them before putting them into the mail and sending them to her.

If you want to score a few additional brownie points, fold the letters up and send them inside a romantic greeting card. This tells her you're thinking about her when she's not around enough that you went out and bought a greeting card just for her. Like I've said before, it's the simple little things that really make her heart melt.

Carry her Load for Her

If you've watched many movies that date back to the 1950's with teenage love stories involved the guys almost always end up carrying the school books the girl was lugging around. They understood that this simple gesture was a great way to score some major points.

It dates back to the old hunter – gatherer mindset that has been genetically programmed into men and women throughout the ages. Times may be changing but women still like to feel that the men in their lives are going to be the hunters and protectors. Carry the things that have her hands full. Lighten her load. Every time you do this, she'll fall a little more in love with you.

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Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Best Time To Let Your Ex Boyfriend You Miss Him - This Is Vital To Getting Your Ex Back

Why do you miss something? It's because you no longer have it. Yet there is more to missing someone after a breakup. If your boyfriend broke up with you, you feel lonely and miss feeling his arms around you. You remember the good times you had with him and want them back. And then there is the fear he will find someone else and you will never get your ex back.

All of these feelings will be your worst enemies after a breakup. They will be the things that will keep you from getting back the man you love. The reasons these feelings are so dangerous is they will cause you to chase your ex boyfriend and let him know how much you miss him. There is no need to tell your ex you miss him because he already knows.

Your ex boyfriend would not have broken up with you if he didn't think you still love him and would miss him. Knowing how you feel about him is what will allow him to keep rejecting you and date other women. He knows if and when he wants you back, you will fall into his arms again. To get your ex back, you have to instill some doubt in his mind.

Telling your ex boyfriend you miss him will not make him come running back to you. It might make him pity you, but you don't want his pity, you want his love. If you know that you can only miss something when it is no longer there, why are you trying to stay close to your ex? The only way he will miss you is by you not being anywhere around.

Having a relationship with you and then having you run after him after the breakup has made your ex boyfriend used to having you around. What would happen if you stopped chasing him and he looks around and you are nowhere to be found? At first he would be surprised and wonder what happened to you. He wouldn't be upset right away, but when he hasn't seen or heard from you for a few weeks things will change.

Your ex boyfriend will find that you are constantly on his mind. He will find himself thinking of the cute things you used to do. He will long to hear your voice and see your smile. Then he will become aware of a void in his life and realize it is the space you used to fill. The feeling of wanting to see you and touch you will become unbearable and he will see that the only way he can find happiness is with you.

The thing that has always made me wonder is why women forget how they got their guy in the first place. After a breakup, most women do the exact opposite of what they did to get their man to chase them at the start. You forget that it is the man who must do the chasing and you have to seem uninterested in him. By telling a man you miss him after a breakup, you ruin any chance of making him miss you. So the best time to tell your ex boyfriend you miss him, is never. You have to make him miss you.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

What is the Best Way to Move on after a Breakup?

Moving on after a breakup is one of the hardest things many people will ever have to do. It's hard to consciously leave a large part of your life behind you and move on towards other things that are unknown and, perhaps, a little bit frightening. It's even harder to do this knowing that you're going to have to do this without the one person who has been your comfort and security for so long by your side.

There's no way to get around the fact that breakups are painful. You can't say a lot about the relationship if there isn't pain involved in its demise. But, they don't have to be consuming. Some people forget that while the breakup is the end of something wonderful in their lives, it is also a new beginning for something that has the potential to be equally wonderful. Here are a few things you can do to ease the transition.

Make a List

Oh yes, lists are fun – but only if you intend to follow through with them. This list is one you'll want to finish. It isn't a bucket list. It's not things you want to do before you die. It's things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because your ex wouldn't let you or didn't approve. It could be something like deep sea fishing, sky diving, or buying a motorcycle.

You want your list to be of the "Top 10 Things I Couldn't Do then but Want to do Now" or something along the lines, variety. The goal is to have 10 things on your list. They don't have to all be big expensive things. In fact, it's better if they aren't. You want them to be reasonably affordable but don't eliminate something that's really important just because it's a little on the pricey side. Part of the fun is coming up with a plan to save the money (second job, extra hours of work, etc.) to accomplish your goal.

You need at least 10 things that you really want to do but haven't ever been able to. Then you need to sit down and plan out a method to accomplish each and everything on your list.

Having goals and making plans is a critical step towards healing and moving on after a breakup. More importantly, it gives you something to look forward to and ten really big reasons to keep getting up in the morning and going about your day. As you get closer to reaching each and every one of your goals, your excitement is going to build and you'll find that you're getting back into enjoying the land of the living all over again.

Friday, December 2, 2011

What If My Ex Girlfriend Says She Needs Time to Think - What This Really Means

"I just need some time to think." This has got to be one of the most common statements made by a woman who has just broken up with her boyfriend when he asks about getting back together. A statement like this is open to a wide variety of interpretations and can easily give a guy a false sense of hope in some cases, and it can also just straight up confuse him in other instances. What does it REALLY mean when your ex girlfriend says that she needs some time to think?

Well, like I said, it can mean more than one thing. What you have to also take into account is the context in which she says a statement like that.

Here are a few possible explanations for what she REALLY means:

a) She needs time to see if she can hook another man and if not, then she might come back to you.

This is a reality. Some women, actually a lot, like to have a back up option in play. And what better back up than an ex boyfriend that she already knows is in love with her? When a woman says that she needs time to think, but she also seems to be open to dating other guys at the moment, it could very well mean that she is hoping to keep your around as a back up... just in case she does not land a new guy.

b) She is completely confused by all of the emotions that she is feeling and she really cannot give you an answer.

This is also very common. Sometimes, the overwhelming emotions that come over a woman after a break up are too much to handle and to process all at one time. And that may be all that she really means when she says that she needs time to think. This can be a very good thing for you if that is the case.

c) She is afraid to tell you that it is really over and that there is no way that you can win her back.

Another harsh reality that you need to be able to deal with. Sometimes, the woman just does not want to have to deal with any conflict or any unpleasant feelings. She might feel truly sorry for the fact that you still love her but she does not feel the same way. And using the phrase, I just need time to think, may be her way of trying to soften the blow to you.

Context is everything when trying to evaluate what someone, especially your ex girlfriend means. Yes, it may confuse you a little bit, but that's the way that it goes sometimes. When you really look at things, you should be able to get at least some perspective on what she really means when she says that she needs time to think.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Think She Is Ready to Leave - What Can I Do to Make Her Stay?

Both men and women share one really big fear when it comes to relationships. That fear is... that the other person will leave them. For some people, this fear is extremely present in their lives, even when everything is going good. For others, it is there because they are getting the feeling that their significant other is going to leave them. If you are getting the feeling that your girlfriend is going to leave and you want to find a way to make her stay, read on.

Right off the bat, you want to know that as long as she has not left you yet, that is a very good thing. It's much easier to fix a relationship than it is to try and get someone back after they leave. Not that you can't get back a woman when she breaks up with you, it's just a little bit harder.

Here's some advice on how to make her stay if you think that your girlfriend is ready to leave you:

a) Don't over react to your fears.

While your intuition may be correct, it might not be. There's been some interesting research done recently in the field of social psychology that shows that people's intuitions are way off base in a lot of situations. And one such situation is where there are deep emotions involved. When emotions are involved and then you combine that with a little fear, it's easy to wind up thinking something is going to happen when there really is no reason to think it will.

b) Schedule out some alone time with your girlfriend.

One of the most common reasons why couples break up, is because they get to a point where they no longer spend a lot of quality time together. Like, when you were first dating your girlfriend, you probably were ready to drop everything just to spend some time with her. Then, when you are deeper into the relationship, you start to take each other for granted. Schedule out some alone time with your girlfriend. Take a weekend trip together. Take her out to her favorite club. Just make sure that you spend QUALITY time with her.

c) Find a way to hook her, so that she cannot even think of being without you.

You don't want to do this in some controlling, creepy kind of way. That's not at all what I am trying to suggest. You need to get her hooked on you and the best way to do this, is to find a way to connect with her on a level that no one else has before. Get inside her deeper than any other guy has... and she will want to stay with you and won't even be able to imagine life without you.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Healing a Relationship - Guy Tips On Restoring A Relationship

If your relationship is on borderline between success and failure, then, you'll need a guy's advice. Your buddies may be there to support you, but, same as you, they probably don't have an idea about your situation. Continue reading to catch some tips on restoring your relationship.

There are two phrases that should be the building blocks to repairing your relationship: "I'm sorry" and/or "I was wrong". The two phrases would be a waste if there is no sincerity within it. The beginning of healing your relationship would be being man enough to accept once weakness and mistakes.

A bunch of men see apologizing as a sign of weakness or defeat. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. If you come to think of it, the hardest part is to acknowledge ones mistakes and realizing you hurt someone special. It is quite troublesome to do. Asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but it is a proof of being a man.

In different ways, it is very easy to lay your feelings inside and refuse to admit you were wrong. Again, a very "courageous" thing to do. But is it? While that might be the first thing many men will do, it's not the easiest in the long run. Keeping those feelings will never set you free. They will jump up and haunt you when you least expect it. It may be painful but you have to face it to overcome it. That's the only option for you to attain peace within you.

If you want to rebuild your relationship, you have to acknowledge your part on the downfall of the relationship. Were you inattentive, did you take your wife for granted, did you stop making her feel special and loved?

There's a seen in the movie "The Breakup" where Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are fighting. She had just put in a long day at work and hosted a dinner party and wanted his help to clean up. She said to him " I want you to want to do the dishes" and, of course, his response was "Why would I want to help you do the dishes"? A valid question. Sort of.

Actually, the woman never technically means to let him wash the dishes. What she really wants him to do was to help her out. She just wanted him to show his love by helping her to release some burdens within her.

Are you guilty of pretending to be 'stupid'. Pretending that you don't have idea with what your wife wants. Many men fall into that trap, just like in the movie. But men do really know what their wife wants. They just pretend not to know because pretending is much easier than helping. It's selfish. Continuing such problem will lead to bigger one on the near future. Bottom line is, learn to appreciate your wife.

The good news is that if you've made some mistakes in the past you can change and become a better man. You can become the kind of man that you can be proud of and that she can love and respect. Use this guy advice on healing a relationship as a starting point and you can not only save your relationship but improve it too.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Why Rebounds And No Contact Work In Your Favor When You Want to Get Your Ex Back

If the person who gets dumped stays around to try to be friends with the dumper, it's a lot easier for the rebound relationship to flourish. Why? Because someone else is taking up the slack, someone who knows the dumper much better. Eventually the rebound learns enough to get into the dumpee's spot and then the dumpee's pushed out of the relationship totally.

So if the ex is someone you've been in a long term relationship with, and you've gotten into the attachment stage, you're still in the attachment stage even after the split (especially if it was an unaggressive split). The dumper is in the honeymoon stage with the rebound relationship, giving them the best of both worlds - and it's great for the rebound as well. If you hear people say they're torn between two loves, this is typically what they are referring to.

You can be in love with both, but at different stages in your relationship. So they get the excitement of a new relationship along with security from the old one. This is why affairs in normally strong relationships can happen as well.

You will often hear this if you hear the dumper's side of the story. They'll say you're like my best friend, brother, sister, etc. They love you. But they aren't IN love with you. This is the attachment phase of a relationship. The rebound is sexually exciting and fun and thus they want to be with the rebound, not with you. If you don't believe me, look around objectively at relationships you've seen.

Ones where people are always fighting and breaking up and cheating and yet they still stay together. Consider women who love men that are always up and down and have no future. Look at men who are with weird needy women who treat them like crap. Or women who go out with peniless bad boy bikers.

It all boils down to sexual excitement and attraction, plain and simple. So let's say you're the dumpee and you want your ex back. You MUST go low contact or no contact if possible. If you're in a good place with your ex, then don't just suddenly go NC, instead do it gradually. So if your ex panics that you're suddenly gone, you dont have to be completely gone - just taking a back role.

When you go no contact, let your ex know, and do it in a considerate way. Tell them that you need space and time to move on. Wish them the best and hope that they truly succeed in their new relationship. They may ask if you want to be friends in the future, say that you don't know if it's a good idea, but that the future is always uncertain. Leave it there - that's all you need to do.

Now your job is to get fit, improve your life, date other people, get out and socialize, etc. Genuinely do start moving on in your life. If your ex does in fact come back into your life later on, which they will if you had a good connection with them, then the new you - the attractive and self sufficient one - will really hook them. They will start thinking about being with YOU again. This is a big point for a man.

Your ex girlfriend leaves you telling you she felt you were too much a boy. Well, she finds you a man six months after, and then you have HUGE points with her and she will be interested in you intimately. This will increase your air of mystery to her and surprise her.

No, you can't MAKE your ex fall in love with you, but you can improve the odds of them coming back to you. Your chances are way higher with an ex because they already know you. Your time apart will be in your favor because you'll instantly hook them as they'll be attracted to the new you much more quickly.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

5 Signs Its Time to End Your Relationship

In our heart of hearts, we always know when a relationship is ending. Sadly, people avoid and ignore the signs - staying in relationships long past their expiry date. Why? Breaking up is painful and people would rather delay dealing with it and avoid feeling the pain for as long as possible.

If you are unhappy and in a relationship you sense isn't serving you any longer, then read on. Also, please know this is a very brief synopsis of each sign. I could easily have written pages about each one but only have limited space here. If, after reading this article, you feel you need more in depth guidance and support, be sure to take me up on my offer at the end, ok?

1) Fighting
Has your relationship become a battleground? If so, then the only thing you have left in common is conflict. When you're at this point, the relationship is no longer nourishing you, instead it's depleting you. Fighting can be healthy within a flourishing relationship, but continual repetitive purposeless arguments with nothing being resolved indicates the relationship is over.

2) Small Common Ground
When all the things that connected you in the beginning are now replaced with a multitude of differences. You may find all the activities, habits and even where you want to vacation no longer align.
The most common place this shows up is in time. One partner feels daily intimate connection is vital, while the other prefers just weekends.

3) Boredom
Another way to tell it's over is when your waking up depressed, vaguely disconnected and blue. You're not sure what's the matter with you, nothing terrible has happened, you just have an overall feeling of hopelessness and very little joy in your life. This often means the essential vitality in your relationship is gone and you're not "in love" any more.

I want to point out there is a big difference between comfortable familiarity and boredom. The best metaphor is the difference between a comfortable pair of shoes and old shoes that have worn out and hurt your feet. Check in and see which shoe fits YOU.

4) Emotional Distance
This is when you become aware that the person you've been relating with is no longer there when you reach out to make contact. Any attempt to have a conversation consistently illicits a negative response. This is what people mean when they refer to "a lack of communication". When communication has broken down (verbal, sexual, emotional, affection) this is experienced as emotional distance.

5) Moving Away
Many relationships that have gone past their expiry date really collapse when there's a change in geography. Habits and routines are often the glue that binds and supports a relationship. For this reason, a relationship that is ending will be severely impacted with a change in location. The relationship was being held together by the house, the neighbourhood or town.

Couples will buy and build their dream house and, once moved in, the relationship falls apart. It may look like moving was the problem, but actually the breakdown was already occurring long before.

If one or more of these points is resonating, then we should probably talk. I've successfully helped many women smoothly transition either back to the honeymoon stage as well as expertly guide others to release a relationship in the most loving, least painful and conscious way.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

How Can You Move On When She's Still In Your Life?

Moving on after an unwanted breakup is hard to do in the best of circumstances. You know, when you part ways and can go for a long period of time without being faced with her each and every day. It's even harder when you must face each other day in and day out once the breakup has happened.

She may have had time to come to terms with the fact the relationship has ended. It was her decision to end things after all. But you're still trying to get your bearings. Every time you bump into her it feels like you've just been sucker punched. You want to move on and put the past behind you, but how do you do that when she's not exactly in your past?

Working together or living a lifestyle that keeps you together after a breakup can be extremely difficult for the one who didn't want things to end. There are a lot of unresolved issues, more than a little bit of hurt, and even some amount of anger to deal with. It makes the situation even worse when you can't really express how you feel and still have to deal with the constant reminder of what is lost to you.

How do you cope in a situation like this?

Consider a Change

If there is ever a time to consider big changes in your life, this is one of those times. If you're working with your ex, then it's time to consider changing jobs or, perhaps, even careers.

It's always wise to do a little bit of a self-evaluation after a breakup. You know, take time to see where you are right now compared to where you thought you'd be by now and how that ranks with where you want to be right now. No, I'm not talking about where you'd like to be as her boyfriend but were you'd like to be as an individual man.

Are you doing the job you always wanted or did you settle for something different? Do you have the degree of financial security for the future you'd always dreamed off? Did you sell out of the excitement you wanted in your career for the security of a steady paycheck? Are you willing to make changes?

I know the job market seems tough right now but maybe it's time to consider going back to school and taking small steps toward a different future.

Keep in mind that not all changes have to be centered around your office situation. Other changes you might consider would be a new place to live – even anew cityif that can be arranged. If you're going to make a clean break and start over and you need distance from your ex, there's no better way to get it than by leaving town.